I’m Gonna MAKE You Love Me!

Interesting voice message I got on my phone this weekend. “Well, I haven’t heard from you, and I’m starting to take it personally…..ok, I get it, I GET it….”

Hmm, do you now??? Well, let me give you some history. I dated a guy for about 3 months (within the normal probationary period, for me, anyway.) He seemed to be cool, and would be a good catch “on paper;” decent-paying job, nice place, very nice car, and what seemed to be wisdom and a good sense of humor. But, I just wasn’t feeling him like that.

Now, “feeling him like that” is a very common term, but it holds so much meaning. We started out ok, but then I noticed something that I just couldn’t breeze past, you know, red flags. Like playing little games, such as: you call me ALL the time, text me "good morning" every day (even though I told you it was unnecessary,) complain about how I don’t call you enough, but on my BIRTHDAY, you don’t contact me at all until it’s time for us to go out that evening. Then, on the birthday that you asked to spend with me (instead of me going out with someone else), so you could “make it special,” you come late after work, dressed extremely casually, and we just go to Spondivits (popular seafood restaurant.) Now, we normally went to nice places, and Spondivits is cool, but special? Hardly, Boo Boo. But, I let that slide, because it is a Monday night, we both worked and have to work the next day. But that not calling all day and not doing anything “special,” as he called it, raised my suspicion and you are now under my radar.

So, there were some other things that I won’t mention in this blog, but he generally became too comfortable, too quick. Never really dressing up, not giving his balding head
a fresh shave before each date, and, on the last date, sitting at the table texting someone for a full 5 minutes while I sat in silence and ate. Funny thing is, I really don’t think he was actually texting someone important. I think he was playing that desperate game. You know, let me pay less attention to her and make her think there is someone else so she can want me more. I didn’t give him the pleasure of acknowledging what he was doing. I believe in giving you enough rope to hang yourself.

One of my main issues with him was calling my cell, then my house, then my cell again, repeatedly, not even giving me time to call back. I’m not a person who carries my cell in my drawers all the damn time, and, if I am entertaining my 3-yr-old, or working out, or whatever, that takes precedence. So either leave a message or a text, and I will get back with you, as my greeting says! And I told him this a couple of times while we were dating, and he seemed to learn. When I ended it, because I wasn’t going to force myself to “feel him like that,” he wanted to stay in touch as “friends.” Ok, whatever. But, he’d called a few times in the last couple of months, complaining each time that I’d forgotten about him, etc, blah, yada. And, I guess he forgot about my rule, because what did he do this past weekend and the Thursday before? He repeat-called! Yes, he was a chronic-caller, voice-message stalker, Mr. Telephone Man, whatever you want to call it.

Maybe he would be a good catch for someone else, but just not for me.

Nevertheless, I ended it because I realized he just was not hearing me. People tend to hear what they want to hear. I tried to be as clear as possible, but he had his own outline in his mind about stages in a relationship, and just tried to insert me into it, as if I were every other woman. When are they gonna realize we are all different, some of us, vastly? If there was anything to be developed, he killed it with his impatience and actions, before it even had time. Just because you start calling me “baby” within 2 weeks of knowing me, doesn’t MAKE me your baby. Just because you tell your grandmother about me, doesn’t MAKE your woman. You cannot propel yourself into a level of importance in my life; that is a privilege, not a right. Don’t set yourself up for disappointment when the truth was in your face all along. In the words of Maya Angelou, “when someone tells you who they are, BELIEVE THEM!”

So, my response to the voice message was…well, hell, I didn’t respond! What’s the point, he’s already shown me who he is!