Fairy Tales, Soap Operas, and Other Lies:

Fairy Tales, Soap Operas, and Other Lies:
Post-Valentine’s Day

In celebration of Cupid Day, some girlfriends and I gathered for a nice brunch, to fellowship, and to celebrate just BEING, whether single or not. I’m not a big Valentine’s person, although I have no problem celebrating it, if the reason and the person is right. Of course, even in this recession, the stores were filled with people anxious to “prove” their love, via cheap chocolates and teddy bears.

Ok, so I am sure at some point all of us have watched soap operas. From preschool age, we are bombarded with images of Prince Charming or the Knight in Shining Armor coming to sweep us off our feet. Or wealthy people living in big houses, with well-made up faces (even in bed), who go through all manner of bul$%^# but always end up together. Or heard those sappy love songs that talk about not being able to breathe without him, or never letting your baby go. But let’s analyze just how these images and tales have affected our psyche.

How easy is it to say or buy something? It’s much harder to actually perform---actions speak louder than words, right? The warm and fuzzy feeling we got growing up listening to love songs and watching romance on TV was a load of inflated bull-----

How many women do you know who are “waiting” for him to marry her? As if that is the ultimate goal in life. Or wondering if he will be in a relationship with them? Or believing that if he gives tangible gifts, he must be in love? Or, even worst, ingesting his every sugar-honey-dripping word and ignoring his actions? Or feeling neglected, dejected, and disrespected, but staying in it, for fear of being single? Why does being in a relationship validate us? Why do some men think that we all women want to be told they are No. 1? Because the happily ever after in the fairy tales always involves getting the man at the end, but there are no sequels to tell us what happens after, or in-between….

Yes, those damn soap operas have messed us up!!!!!!

Yeah, I go out too, and see all the couples holding hands and being all kissy kissy. And I hear the women at work get all gushy when roses are sent. And all the bragging from women who got this and that for their birthdays, as if that is all there is to it.

But I also hear those same people on regular days cussing out and being cussed out by their mates, or complaining that he never touches them, or worrying about how bills will get paid, or just seeming generally unhappy. I even had a guy I had known for less than two weeks tell me he was “canceling” my V-tine’s day presents because I told him I didn’t want to talk to him any more, like that would just crush me! Dude, WTF??? I also broke off talking to a guy I had dated for about 3 months only 2 weeks before V-Tine’s, because I just wasn’t feeling him. (It might seem like I’m on a roll here, but, the probationary period is like at-will employment- you can be let go at any time for any reason!)

Now, don’t get me wrong, it is a little tempting to keep someone on just so you can have that V-Tines’s day gift, but it’s not worth the aggravation. So, I wonder…Which is better-genuine love without all the outward shows, or flashy relationships built on nothing?

Why not start looking for something more, and not just to be able to look good to others on the holidays? I actually get offended when a guy thinks that all he needs to do is buy something or take me out or say some oozy words, and I should just be his. WHERE IS THE EFFORT, PEOPLE?

(After all, V-tine’s is just a commercial holiday egregiously advertised to make us think we need to buy stuff to show love, and make THE MAN richer! But I digress…)

I believe in love, and enjoy being in a relationship, but my understanding of love has, like inflation, adjusted with the times. Real, biblical love, is more action that any words. Yes, we all want to hear those three words from time to time, but seeing the effort is what counts. A man shows you he loves you by what he does for you, whether it’s providing for you, cutting your grass, protecting you, etc.

And, a mixture of the roses and the lawn mowing would be a wonderful balance!

So, reassess your view of love, minus the soap opera versions. If you relationship is built mostly on the fuzzy stuff, reassess!!!!!!!! And don’t let Feb. 14 rule your love life!