I'm looking at yet another headline of an exec who has ended his life. This time it's the Freddie Mac guy. Suicide has always been around, but these ones in the headlines lately are very disturbing. Not just the execs, but also the families, fathers and mothers who killed themselves and their kids, simply because they foresaw their style of life being negatively affected by a loss of money. Recently it was the couple in California who killed their children and themselves because they had been laid off. How is it that being dead is better than living with less? Have we forgotten that nothing is promised in life, and life itself will have ups and downs?
Now, don't get me wrong. I get frustrated too when things don't go according to that grand plan I had in high school and undergrad. Yes, I wanted to be CEO by now!! But, as most adults have had to learn, things in life rarely go according to plan. But, what do you do? YOU ADJUST!!!!!!
Now, I don't want to sound callous to the misery these people obviously felt. But we have to be stronger and yield to that higher authority, God, who is all sovereign. Maybe the problem is that we are not raised to realize that complete sovereignty from the beginning. Once we do, it is a little easier to handle the downturns, because we know that tomorrow is a new day with infinite possibilities.
Once you make people or things your God, you fall out of alignment. I don’t say this to be judgmental, but out of experience, because I struggle with it myself.
When you break it all down to the fundamentals, if is truly beautiful just to be alive, with the family and friends who are here with you. This is not only a cliché’. I read a quote that says something like being at peace is seeing a sunset and knowing who to thank. He has given us beauty that is around every day; we just have to stop and recognize it and be grateful. Maybe that’s why we’re born naked and cannot take our material things with us to the grave, no matter what we have accomplished or acquired.
How can you worry more about what your image will be if you have less money than about taking your kids’ lives, or your own? Embarrassment fades, and life goes on. That kind of bondage to what others’ think leads to people making many bad decisions, living beyond their means, and just being plain old silly. No one wants to face poverty, but this is America, where there are places to go to get food and shelter that other truly impoverished nations have absolutely no access to. (Anybody see Slumdog Millionaire????) Maybe if we exposed ourselves to what other people go through in other countries, we would realize it truly is not that bad.
I don’t know about you, but I love life! Disappointments and all. And I hope it would take more for me to be in despair than the loss of a job or wealth. Just my thoughts…
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
I’m Gonna MAKE You Love Me!
Interesting voice message I got on my phone this weekend. “Well, I haven’t heard from you, and I’m starting to take it personally…..ok, I get it, I GET it….”
Hmm, do you now??? Well, let me give you some history. I dated a guy for about 3 months (within the normal probationary period, for me, anyway.) He seemed to be cool, and would be a good catch “on paper;” decent-paying job, nice place, very nice car, and what seemed to be wisdom and a good sense of humor. But, I just wasn’t feeling him like that.
Now, “feeling him like that” is a very common term, but it holds so much meaning. We started out ok, but then I noticed something that I just couldn’t breeze past, you know, red flags. Like playing little games, such as: you call me ALL the time, text me "good morning" every day (even though I told you it was unnecessary,) complain about how I don’t call you enough, but on my BIRTHDAY, you don’t contact me at all until it’s time for us to go out that evening. Then, on the birthday that you asked to spend with me (instead of me going out with someone else), so you could “make it special,” you come late after work, dressed extremely casually, and we just go to Spondivits (popular seafood restaurant.) Now, we normally went to nice places, and Spondivits is cool, but special? Hardly, Boo Boo. But, I let that slide, because it is a Monday night, we both worked and have to work the next day. But that not calling all day and not doing anything “special,” as he called it, raised my suspicion and you are now under my radar.
So, there were some other things that I won’t mention in this blog, but he generally became too comfortable, too quick. Never really dressing up, not giving his balding head
a fresh shave before each date, and, on the last date, sitting at the table texting someone for a full 5 minutes while I sat in silence and ate. Funny thing is, I really don’t think he was actually texting someone important. I think he was playing that desperate game. You know, let me pay less attention to her and make her think there is someone else so she can want me more. I didn’t give him the pleasure of acknowledging what he was doing. I believe in giving you enough rope to hang yourself.
One of my main issues with him was calling my cell, then my house, then my cell again, repeatedly, not even giving me time to call back. I’m not a person who carries my cell in my drawers all the damn time, and, if I am entertaining my 3-yr-old, or working out, or whatever, that takes precedence. So either leave a message or a text, and I will get back with you, as my greeting says! And I told him this a couple of times while we were dating, and he seemed to learn. When I ended it, because I wasn’t going to force myself to “feel him like that,” he wanted to stay in touch as “friends.” Ok, whatever. But, he’d called a few times in the last couple of months, complaining each time that I’d forgotten about him, etc, blah, yada. And, I guess he forgot about my rule, because what did he do this past weekend and the Thursday before? He repeat-called! Yes, he was a chronic-caller, voice-message stalker, Mr. Telephone Man, whatever you want to call it.
Maybe he would be a good catch for someone else, but just not for me.
Nevertheless, I ended it because I realized he just was not hearing me. People tend to hear what they want to hear. I tried to be as clear as possible, but he had his own outline in his mind about stages in a relationship, and just tried to insert me into it, as if I were every other woman. When are they gonna realize we are all different, some of us, vastly? If there was anything to be developed, he killed it with his impatience and actions, before it even had time. Just because you start calling me “baby” within 2 weeks of knowing me, doesn’t MAKE me your baby. Just because you tell your grandmother about me, doesn’t MAKE your woman. You cannot propel yourself into a level of importance in my life; that is a privilege, not a right. Don’t set yourself up for disappointment when the truth was in your face all along. In the words of Maya Angelou, “when someone tells you who they are, BELIEVE THEM!”
So, my response to the voice message was…well, hell, I didn’t respond! What’s the point, he’s already shown me who he is!
Hmm, do you now??? Well, let me give you some history. I dated a guy for about 3 months (within the normal probationary period, for me, anyway.) He seemed to be cool, and would be a good catch “on paper;” decent-paying job, nice place, very nice car, and what seemed to be wisdom and a good sense of humor. But, I just wasn’t feeling him like that.
Now, “feeling him like that” is a very common term, but it holds so much meaning. We started out ok, but then I noticed something that I just couldn’t breeze past, you know, red flags. Like playing little games, such as: you call me ALL the time, text me "good morning" every day (even though I told you it was unnecessary,) complain about how I don’t call you enough, but on my BIRTHDAY, you don’t contact me at all until it’s time for us to go out that evening. Then, on the birthday that you asked to spend with me (instead of me going out with someone else), so you could “make it special,” you come late after work, dressed extremely casually, and we just go to Spondivits (popular seafood restaurant.) Now, we normally went to nice places, and Spondivits is cool, but special? Hardly, Boo Boo. But, I let that slide, because it is a Monday night, we both worked and have to work the next day. But that not calling all day and not doing anything “special,” as he called it, raised my suspicion and you are now under my radar.
So, there were some other things that I won’t mention in this blog, but he generally became too comfortable, too quick. Never really dressing up, not giving his balding head
a fresh shave before each date, and, on the last date, sitting at the table texting someone for a full 5 minutes while I sat in silence and ate. Funny thing is, I really don’t think he was actually texting someone important. I think he was playing that desperate game. You know, let me pay less attention to her and make her think there is someone else so she can want me more. I didn’t give him the pleasure of acknowledging what he was doing. I believe in giving you enough rope to hang yourself.
One of my main issues with him was calling my cell, then my house, then my cell again, repeatedly, not even giving me time to call back. I’m not a person who carries my cell in my drawers all the damn time, and, if I am entertaining my 3-yr-old, or working out, or whatever, that takes precedence. So either leave a message or a text, and I will get back with you, as my greeting says! And I told him this a couple of times while we were dating, and he seemed to learn. When I ended it, because I wasn’t going to force myself to “feel him like that,” he wanted to stay in touch as “friends.” Ok, whatever. But, he’d called a few times in the last couple of months, complaining each time that I’d forgotten about him, etc, blah, yada. And, I guess he forgot about my rule, because what did he do this past weekend and the Thursday before? He repeat-called! Yes, he was a chronic-caller, voice-message stalker, Mr. Telephone Man, whatever you want to call it.
Maybe he would be a good catch for someone else, but just not for me.
Nevertheless, I ended it because I realized he just was not hearing me. People tend to hear what they want to hear. I tried to be as clear as possible, but he had his own outline in his mind about stages in a relationship, and just tried to insert me into it, as if I were every other woman. When are they gonna realize we are all different, some of us, vastly? If there was anything to be developed, he killed it with his impatience and actions, before it even had time. Just because you start calling me “baby” within 2 weeks of knowing me, doesn’t MAKE me your baby. Just because you tell your grandmother about me, doesn’t MAKE your woman. You cannot propel yourself into a level of importance in my life; that is a privilege, not a right. Don’t set yourself up for disappointment when the truth was in your face all along. In the words of Maya Angelou, “when someone tells you who they are, BELIEVE THEM!”
So, my response to the voice message was…well, hell, I didn’t respond! What’s the point, he’s already shown me who he is!
Monday, February 16, 2009
Fairy Tales, Soap Operas, and Other Lies:
Fairy Tales, Soap Operas, and Other Lies:
Post-Valentine’s Day
In celebration of Cupid Day, some girlfriends and I gathered for a nice brunch, to fellowship, and to celebrate just BEING, whether single or not. I’m not a big Valentine’s person, although I have no problem celebrating it, if the reason and the person is right. Of course, even in this recession, the stores were filled with people anxious to “prove” their love, via cheap chocolates and teddy bears.
Ok, so I am sure at some point all of us have watched soap operas. From preschool age, we are bombarded with images of Prince Charming or the Knight in Shining Armor coming to sweep us off our feet. Or wealthy people living in big houses, with well-made up faces (even in bed), who go through all manner of bul$%^# but always end up together. Or heard those sappy love songs that talk about not being able to breathe without him, or never letting your baby go. But let’s analyze just how these images and tales have affected our psyche.
How easy is it to say or buy something? It’s much harder to actually perform---actions speak louder than words, right? The warm and fuzzy feeling we got growing up listening to love songs and watching romance on TV was a load of inflated bull-----
How many women do you know who are “waiting” for him to marry her? As if that is the ultimate goal in life. Or wondering if he will be in a relationship with them? Or believing that if he gives tangible gifts, he must be in love? Or, even worst, ingesting his every sugar-honey-dripping word and ignoring his actions? Or feeling neglected, dejected, and disrespected, but staying in it, for fear of being single? Why does being in a relationship validate us? Why do some men think that we all women want to be told they are No. 1? Because the happily ever after in the fairy tales always involves getting the man at the end, but there are no sequels to tell us what happens after, or in-between….
Yes, those damn soap operas have messed us up!!!!!!
Yeah, I go out too, and see all the couples holding hands and being all kissy kissy. And I hear the women at work get all gushy when roses are sent. And all the bragging from women who got this and that for their birthdays, as if that is all there is to it.
But I also hear those same people on regular days cussing out and being cussed out by their mates, or complaining that he never touches them, or worrying about how bills will get paid, or just seeming generally unhappy. I even had a guy I had known for less than two weeks tell me he was “canceling” my V-tine’s day presents because I told him I didn’t want to talk to him any more, like that would just crush me! Dude, WTF??? I also broke off talking to a guy I had dated for about 3 months only 2 weeks before V-Tine’s, because I just wasn’t feeling him. (It might seem like I’m on a roll here, but, the probationary period is like at-will employment- you can be let go at any time for any reason!)
Now, don’t get me wrong, it is a little tempting to keep someone on just so you can have that V-Tines’s day gift, but it’s not worth the aggravation. So, I wonder…Which is better-genuine love without all the outward shows, or flashy relationships built on nothing?
Why not start looking for something more, and not just to be able to look good to others on the holidays? I actually get offended when a guy thinks that all he needs to do is buy something or take me out or say some oozy words, and I should just be his. WHERE IS THE EFFORT, PEOPLE?
(After all, V-tine’s is just a commercial holiday egregiously advertised to make us think we need to buy stuff to show love, and make THE MAN richer! But I digress…)
I believe in love, and enjoy being in a relationship, but my understanding of love has, like inflation, adjusted with the times. Real, biblical love, is more action that any words. Yes, we all want to hear those three words from time to time, but seeing the effort is what counts. A man shows you he loves you by what he does for you, whether it’s providing for you, cutting your grass, protecting you, etc.
And, a mixture of the roses and the lawn mowing would be a wonderful balance!
So, reassess your view of love, minus the soap opera versions. If you relationship is built mostly on the fuzzy stuff, reassess!!!!!!!! And don’t let Feb. 14 rule your love life!
Post-Valentine’s Day
In celebration of Cupid Day, some girlfriends and I gathered for a nice brunch, to fellowship, and to celebrate just BEING, whether single or not. I’m not a big Valentine’s person, although I have no problem celebrating it, if the reason and the person is right. Of course, even in this recession, the stores were filled with people anxious to “prove” their love, via cheap chocolates and teddy bears.
Ok, so I am sure at some point all of us have watched soap operas. From preschool age, we are bombarded with images of Prince Charming or the Knight in Shining Armor coming to sweep us off our feet. Or wealthy people living in big houses, with well-made up faces (even in bed), who go through all manner of bul$%^# but always end up together. Or heard those sappy love songs that talk about not being able to breathe without him, or never letting your baby go. But let’s analyze just how these images and tales have affected our psyche.
How easy is it to say or buy something? It’s much harder to actually perform---actions speak louder than words, right? The warm and fuzzy feeling we got growing up listening to love songs and watching romance on TV was a load of inflated bull-----
How many women do you know who are “waiting” for him to marry her? As if that is the ultimate goal in life. Or wondering if he will be in a relationship with them? Or believing that if he gives tangible gifts, he must be in love? Or, even worst, ingesting his every sugar-honey-dripping word and ignoring his actions? Or feeling neglected, dejected, and disrespected, but staying in it, for fear of being single? Why does being in a relationship validate us? Why do some men think that we all women want to be told they are No. 1? Because the happily ever after in the fairy tales always involves getting the man at the end, but there are no sequels to tell us what happens after, or in-between….
Yes, those damn soap operas have messed us up!!!!!!
Yeah, I go out too, and see all the couples holding hands and being all kissy kissy. And I hear the women at work get all gushy when roses are sent. And all the bragging from women who got this and that for their birthdays, as if that is all there is to it.
But I also hear those same people on regular days cussing out and being cussed out by their mates, or complaining that he never touches them, or worrying about how bills will get paid, or just seeming generally unhappy. I even had a guy I had known for less than two weeks tell me he was “canceling” my V-tine’s day presents because I told him I didn’t want to talk to him any more, like that would just crush me! Dude, WTF??? I also broke off talking to a guy I had dated for about 3 months only 2 weeks before V-Tine’s, because I just wasn’t feeling him. (It might seem like I’m on a roll here, but, the probationary period is like at-will employment- you can be let go at any time for any reason!)
Now, don’t get me wrong, it is a little tempting to keep someone on just so you can have that V-Tines’s day gift, but it’s not worth the aggravation. So, I wonder…Which is better-genuine love without all the outward shows, or flashy relationships built on nothing?
Why not start looking for something more, and not just to be able to look good to others on the holidays? I actually get offended when a guy thinks that all he needs to do is buy something or take me out or say some oozy words, and I should just be his. WHERE IS THE EFFORT, PEOPLE?
(After all, V-tine’s is just a commercial holiday egregiously advertised to make us think we need to buy stuff to show love, and make THE MAN richer! But I digress…)
I believe in love, and enjoy being in a relationship, but my understanding of love has, like inflation, adjusted with the times. Real, biblical love, is more action that any words. Yes, we all want to hear those three words from time to time, but seeing the effort is what counts. A man shows you he loves you by what he does for you, whether it’s providing for you, cutting your grass, protecting you, etc.
And, a mixture of the roses and the lawn mowing would be a wonderful balance!
So, reassess your view of love, minus the soap opera versions. If you relationship is built mostly on the fuzzy stuff, reassess!!!!!!!! And don’t let Feb. 14 rule your love life!
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